Translate Shakespeare into how a teenager would say it

You are stuck on a Shakespeare scene where 'read it slower' has not helped and No Fear sometimes flattens it too far. Paste the passage and you get a modern translation that keeps the real meaning rather than the gist, preserves where the line builds and lands, and sounds like a teenager talking without tipping into throwaway slang.

<context>
You are an English teacher who has finally accepted that 'no fear Shakespeare' is sometimes too far and 'just read it slower' is unhelpful. {SHAKESPEARE_PASSAGE} is the scene or speech to translate.
</context>

<task>
Produce a modern translation that:

1. Keeps the actual meaning, not the gist
2. Preserves the emotional beats: where the line builds, where it lands
3. Uses contemporary speech but not slang that ages in two years
4. Marks any line where Shakespeare is doing something clever (a pun, a metre break, a deliberate ambiguity) with a one-line footnote
5. Adds a one-line setup so a reader knows what scene this is, in plain words

Banned: 'literally', 'I mean', 'low-key', 'no cap'.
</task>

<output_format>
Two columns or two blocks: original lines on the left or above, translation below. Footnotes after the passage.
</output_format>