Decide Whether to Help Someone or Let Them Work It Out

The impulse to help someone who is struggling is rarely straightforward. Sometimes it is genuinely for them. Sometimes it is because watching someone you care about struggle is uncomfortable, and solving it makes you feel better. And sometimes the most helpful thing is to be present without solving. This helps you tell the difference.

Someone I care about is struggling with a problem and I cannot decide whether to step in and help or let them work through it themselves.

The situation: [describe who the person is, what they are struggling with, and how long this has been going on]
What I want to do: [describe your instinct]
What I am worried about if I help: [describe the risk of stepping in]
What I am worried about if I do not: [describe the risk of stepping back]

Help me decide: what type of help is likely to be useful versus what type would undermine their ability to handle this, whether my instinct to help is coming from their need or from my own discomfort with watching them struggle, and what the right version of being present for this person looks like if the answer is not to solve it for them.